A Parody By Gimba Kakanda
I know a lot of you don’t know the Senate President, Bukola Saraki, beyond the media. He seems like a normal person, but if you’ve watched him closely, you would’ve noticed that he closes one eye too often. Why? Saraki is an Illuminati agent, and only a few people knew about this.
Those of us who knew Saraki’s Illuminati background are hardly shocked by how he outsmarted every politician from his father to President Buhari. Of course it’s not ordinary. You don’t need any proof. You only need to study how he has maneuvered his ways to power over the years, and managed to resist any gang-up.
After the 2015 elections, the CPC and ACN blocs of APC invited Saraki to a meeting. “We don’t want you as Senate President,” they said. Saraki paused as though to reflect, stood up gently, and chanted, “Novus Ordo Seclorum.” They froze. “What did you say?” Saraki asked.
“N-nothing, nothing,” they stammered. He nodded, and smiled.
These CPC and ACN errand boys who met Saraki became his supporters from that night. Everyone in APC was shocked. Our journalists who had interviewed those men in the past couldn’t connect the dots. It didn’t make sense to them, that sudden support from his erstwhile political foes.
What Saraki did from that point was the move of an Illuminati master. He visited his senator friends one after the other to appeal to them to support him. All the ones he got to look at with one eye closed while chanting “Novus Ordo Seclorum,” ended up supporting him.
Saraki was always smooth. Once he identified a threat, he cast his Illuminati spell to neutralize it. It’s how he got his fellow senators to be submissive. However many of his colleagues know about his spiritual powers, and so they avoid his gaze. Guess who told them. Tinubu!
Tinubu too is an Illuminati agent, that’s why the war was tough for Saraki. Tinubu was always quick to reveal Saraki’s secret. It’s the reason Fashola and others didn’t look Saraki straight in the eyes when they were being screened as Ministers. They knew about his powers.
Why do you think Hamid Ali was avoiding the Senate? Why do you think the Inspector-General of Police was also afraid? Because they got scared when Tinubu told them about it. That’s also how Danladi Umar of CCT trial was neutralized. He was forming gangster until Saraki got him.
Supreme Court justices were the easiest for Saraki. He invited them for tea, one after the other, a day to the judgement in his asset declaration trial. He got to look into their eyes, and took possession of their mind. The next day, they unanimously acquitted him of wrong-doing.
Now you also understand why Saraki often stared at Buhari, especially when they’re seated in the same row, either at an event or in the mosque. If he could get to our IGP and make him stutter “transmission of transmission” repeatedly before the camera, imagine what would’ve happened if the IG had met him face to face.
Since you’re yet make sense of how Saraki got Buhari’s kinsman, Lawal Daura, to do his bidding, this is how it happened. Unlike the Customs and Police bosses, the DSS boss was naive. He looked into Saraki’s eyes, and lost control of himself. And the rest, as they say, is history.
If you believed this before you got here, I’ll advise you to first quietly mail your certificates back to the schools that offered them to you. You obviously don’t deserve them. Shebi you see that we all can write nonsense! 🙄