Emperor Telu: Emir Of Nowhere: The Confused Ọba Of Somewhere!


It is unfortunate that our major issue is not only the absence of tested leadership, it is also the wanton immaturity and lack of depth of the ones our so called ‘drunken Irunmoles’ happen to constantly heap upon us all. I think the existence of these extraterrestrial ‘Irunmoles’ is in doubt. And their sanity more than likely even questionable!

I raised this peculiar alarm when one idiot was coronated in Iwo some few years back. Folks we can’t continue to blame his relative youthfulness as the major reason for his royal stupidity. After all, the Awujale came on the Ijebu-Ode throne in 1960 in his youthful twenties and the sagacious Ọba Adesoji Aderemi was barely in his thirties when he became the Ooni of Ìfẹ́ in 1930.

The primordial greed that has pushed this ex-con; a blatant recidivist into the corridors of Royalhood has since not abated, for he’s been busy rewriting history since his punkass got on that illustrious throne. The Iwo people have proven me right again at their classic pussilanimous resolution to the dubious issue of a Yoruba Ọba that became an Emir overnight. At least it took a little bit more for the Ilorin folks to get drunk on their own juice, before sleepwalking into the carefully laid out snares of the Fulani Jihadists.

However this brand new idiot is busy looking for wealth, prestige and notoriety ‘upandan’ thinking that becoming an ‘Emir’ automatically opens any of the Iwo palace doors into the enchanted Sambisa forests and the Sahara Desert of riches and glory! A sickly Golddigger! His initial, calculated thoughts of creating a fiefdom within Yorubaland failed! So becoming an emergency Emir seems more realistic in achieving such overloaded, overnightly dream! A Doofus who can’t for the life of me differentiate between the kiddie mythology of Ali Baba And The Forty Thieves; Aladdin and The Magical Lamp and being a modern day Yoruba King! Dude probably thinks he is Sinbad The Sailor too!

This kingly idiot is definitely the modern day King Lear. With a full life’s story so fraudulently Shakespearean, it even parallels ‘A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream’ too. Safe am I to parody an Emir of Nowhere than fully regard one Ọba ridiculously stuck in the middle of somewhere!

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